Dating Series Part 1: Working on Yourself First

Dating Series Part 1

By Hayley Higbee

Do people want to date anymore? That is a very good question, especially in this day in age. People that want to find that special someone are struggling because it seems as though no one is asking anyone out anymore and no one wants to get into serious relationships. Have you ever wondered what the reason for that is? Let me explain.

A lot of people are single, and it is on the rise. Data shows that nearly half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago. Research shows that people are having a hard time getting into intimate relationships because they lack confidence, self-esteem, and people are too shy and intimidated to approach someone.1 Dating leads to people feeling uncertainty and vulnerability. You’re wondering if your interest in the other person is reciprocated, worried about if you’re being too vulnerable, and potentially worrying about your body, so there’s a lot you’re putting out on the line. 3 This can be scary and can lead people to feeling more comfortable staying single, thus not willing to go out on dates.

So, what can we do to feel better about dating? Research suggests that a fulfilling life includes a sense of meaning, strong interpersonal relationships, and the pursuit and attainment of personal goals.2 Start with yourself. Focus on you and what you can do to help you with your confidence and self-esteem. Whether that means losing weight, or working on your mental health, or your spiritual well-being. Take the time to help yourself become the person that you want to be. Have you ever made a list of the attributes and characteristics you want in a partner? If you have, have you ever looked at the list and thought to yourself, do I have any of those attributes? If not, maybe you should work on that. For example, if you want someone that is kind, ask yourself, “Am I kind?” or if you want someone who is physically fit, ask yourself, “Am I physically fit?” If you answered no to those things, then start working on gaining those attributes.

I invite you to choose one thing about yourself that you would like to work on or be better at and start working on it. It is important to spend this time with yourself so you can get to know yourself and start becoming the person you want to be.

Resources

1. Apostolou, M. (2021, May 31). What makes it difficult to start an intimate relationship: A taxonomy of the reasons. Europe’s journal of psychology. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8768479/
2. Klussman, K., Curtin, N., Langer, J., & Nichols, A. L. (2022, February 25). The importance of awareness, acceptance, and alignment with the self: A framework for understanding self-connection. Europe’s journal of psychology. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8895697/
3. Theodora Blanchfield, A. (2023, November 25). Why is dating so hard?. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/why-is-dating-so-hard-5220113//