Dating Series Part 3: How to Create a Lasting Relationship

Dating Series Part 3: How to Create a Lasting Relationship

By: Hayley Higbee

            When people get into a relationship, they sometimes ask, well how can I make them stay? My answer to that is, you can’t. You can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. You only have control over what you do. There are things that couples can do to create a stronger bond and create a long-lasting relationship. Relationships take work from both partners to make the relationship work.

            What are some characteristics of a long-lasting relationship? “Although long-lasting relationships come in various forms, some of the core characteristics include the following, long-term commitment, positive communication, nonviolent resolution of disagreements and conflicts, emotional and physical safety, sexual and psychological fidelity, mutual respect, enjoyment of time spent together, and establishment of emotional support and companionship.”2

Cohesion and flexibility also play a role in creating a long-lasting relationship. So, what is cohesion? Cohesion is when couples vary their time between separateness and togetherness. Too much time together or too much time apart can cause problems in a relationship, so it is important to have balance. What is flexibility in a relationship? Flexibility ranges between stability and change.2 In a relationship, you need stability, but you also don’t want things to get boring, so you need to be open to change. If every time a couple is together, they stay at home and watch a movie, that can get boring. It is important to go out on dates, experience new things, and do something that the other person enjoys and what you enjoy or do something spontaneous.

            Healthy relationships can have a positive effect on men and women. Healthy relationships can make couples happier and healthier.2 A fundamental element in a relationship is communication.1,3 When couples get into an argument, it is important to take a step back and think about the situation and calm down. It is hard to communicate with someone in a productive way when you are upset. When a couple does communicate it is important that they use “I” statements, instead of “you” statements. For example, if you are talking to your partner and you say you are so rude how could you say that do you even care about me? It can make them feel like they are being attacked. Instead, you can say, I felt hurt and felt uncared for when you said that and maybe that’s not how you meant it, but this is how it made me feel. Changing the way we approach things and how we communicate can make a difference in our relationships.

            So, let’s practice. Sometime in the near future, if you get into an argument with a family member or a friend practice using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. Also, try to be aware of your tone of voice and how you communicate. Start working on your communication skills now.

References

1. Abreu-Afonso, J., Ramos, M. M., Queiroz-Garcia, I., & Leal, I. (2022, June). How couple’s relationship lasts over time? A model for marital satisfaction. Psychological reports. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9136471/
2. Darling, C. A., Cassidy, D., & Ballard, S. M. (2022). Family Life Education: Working with Families across the Lifespan(4th ed.). Waveland Press, Inc.. https://suu-bookshelf.vitalsource.com/books/9781478649434
3. Plooy, K. D. (2018, March). (PDF) effective interactions: Communication and high levels of marital satisfaction. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/325138577_Effective_interactions_Communication_and_high_levels_of_marital_satisfaction